PBA Senior Jonathan O'Learly sits down at the bar on Friday night like he always does, nursing a pint of Guinness after a tough week of classes. He looks around. All things appear to be normal. There's an Irish folk band playing on the stage in the corner, his stout is cold on his tongue and the dimly lit room still smells of St. Patrick's day.
But there is something about this night that is different at the small pub on the west side of Clematis Street. He can't quite put his finger on it, but something doesn't seem quite right.
All of the sudden, he figures it out: Young Jonathan is completely alone; not a card carrying PBA student anywhere in sight.
"It finally hit me why the place was empty. Holy moly! It's nearly Easter!" he said, questioning whether or not he should be drinking on one of the most sacred holidays of his faith. "No wonder I could find parking on Friday. This place cleared out faster than PBA Central after an early hurricane warning!"
It was on that same weekend that Oshea's announced record losses, a bar patronized mostly by students looking for a place to hang out on the weekend. Friday nights are especially busy, deemed as "Fellowship Fridays," a popular Christian-eeze word for "being with other people." In order for fellowship to occur, one does not necessarily have to enjoy another's company, it's really just an overused synonym for "hanging out."
"Fellowship Fridays at Oshea's are like fish week all over again," I heard one student say to just about everyone he met, "...but with beer!"
But there was no alcohol induced fish week-esque joy last weekend when the pub almost went out of business because of the lack of students in town.
"Without PBA, we'd go belly-up for sure," said Manager Scott Thompson. "Thank goodness Easter only comes once a year. And thank heavens for Fellowship Fridays. Whatever it is, those students keep food on my table and a fully loaded Corvette in my driveway."
Although the weekend gave him a scare, Thompson is confident that he'll make it all back next weekend anyway.
19 comments:
LOL, I don't get how people can say that the bacon doesn't have stories that pertain to what's currently going on at PBA. This is a perfect example, especially since everyone's like, "I'm a Christian, I'm a Christian" and yet they spend every Friday night out at Oshea's, and end up puking up their alcohol anyway.
to the comment above:
what a generalization! how false! there is nothing wrong with being a christian and going out to osheas.
Great article, but Guiness is a stout, not an ale, and Easter is not on the day after Friday, but on Sunday, two days after Friday. See PBAers can know about Christian holidays and beer! What a place! I love what you are doing, keep it up!
We have made the necessary changes to fix our errors.
Thanks for helping us out!
Christian-eeze...lol
I could write an entire dictionary of that....
Hey, O'Shea's has crosses up all in the place. That means it's practically church (definitely more religious imagery than The Ascent...).
We would love a Christian-eeze dictionary!
If anyone wants to contribute to the project, "The Christian-eeze" dictionary, feel free to email us with your submissions.
baconnews@gmail.com
Oshea's / Ascent.....
Interesting comment about imagery. ..I would personally so much rather see the visual imagery of student with the heart of Christ than a cross on a wall. We have a lot of crosses around PBA but fewer and fewer students with the heart of Christ. Perhaps we have become confused and forget that it was not the cross , rather the Man who hung there that gives us purpose and significance. Lots of people with crosses around their necks who believe that is their key to Heaven. (if turned sideways and inserted into the gates.) I have a question. How come we disenfranchise Christians who make dumb choices? I made a lot of stupid choices in my life after accepting Christ and being adopted into the family called "Christian". Especially in the first years. As I move forward in my walk, I stumble at times. I still make dumb choices but they are less frequent, I admit. Do we lose our Christian name when we fall? Hmmmm.... And how far must we fall to no longer be called Christian?
But seriously the Ascent and Christ Fellowship are like borderline cultish.
I agree, student.
But I'm starting to think these Bacon articles are made up.
Why can't we do comments on the article below this anymore?
um...of course Bacon stories are made up. It's a fake online newspaper.
Did you think PBA really dug a moat to ward of Spring Bling? Did you think millions of people really protested the execution of the Bacon monkey? Did you think PBA really installed pedals on the sides of all toilets?
Did you think fat chicks really ate all the cookies...wait...well that one is definitely true.
The thing is, ALL these stories are based on some truth, and then exaggerated to make a point.
Yes, cookies disappear rather fast in the caf, yes the Bacon monkey was apprehended for passing out flyers with speech that a certain administrator did not like on them, yes there is a disproportionate amount of faculty and staff from Regent university, yes Safety and Security goes overboard with breathalysers on the weekend, yes the theatre department is getting the short end of the stick, no communication majors do not know how to read, and YES websense is ridiculous.
I don't really beleive that doc was serious
I spend more money at O'Sheas then I do anywhere else. O'Sheas gets my alumni dollars as well.
I wonder how many students spend the balance of their student loans on fellowship at O'Sheas.
I wonder how many students spend the balance of their student loans on fellowship at O'Sheas.
Regarding Chuck's comment about the crosses... I have met people that are more Christlike at O'Shea's than anywhere here on campus. What does that say? I'd spend more time down there, except I am broke. Anyone care to buy me a few pints. In return I'll give you stronger more truthful theology than anything you will hear on campus.
First comment...I don't think you understand what's going on here.
wow...who is the anonymous who wants to give me a "more truthful theology" at O'sheas?
Seriously, I'm interested in hearing it. I'll even buy you a pint to hear about it. I'm totally serious.
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