The pictures you see are actual photographs taken in the showers of a Rinker apartment.
Small worm-like creatures have invaded the tile of Rinker, a result of improper cleaning by the student residents. A sample was taken of the creatures, and experts say that the worms have been able to thrive because of a never-ending food supply.
"The worms survive on a constant supply of tadpole-like single celled organisms," observed Microbiology Professor Dr. Stacy Witkam. "It appears to me that these things are feasting night and day without ceasing. These levels are off the chart."
A red faced resident tried to shrug off the notion that he and his roommates were actually the cause of the worms.
"I can't understand why these things would be here," said freshman Jay Fullberry. "I mean heck, I cleaned the darn thing 9 months ago."
Resident Director Timmy Tommer has begun cracking down in the hall, hoping to keep his RA staff accountable when it comes to doing clean room checks, as is cited in the student handbook.
"It looks like we have two problems on our hands," said Tommer. "For one, the RA's need to do more roomchecks. And the other...well...let's just say these boys need to stop feeding the worms."
A ban on all "feeding" has gone into effect as of 5:00 pm today and will continue for the rest of the week. Students are encouraged to contact Safety and Security if they find any of their roommates feeding the worms in the shower, and will be checking periodically to make sure rooms are clean from now on.
The event has even inspired Campus Ministries to conduct a second Men's Conference all week in the chapel to combat the rampant feeding.
A banner has been hung above Rinker advertising for the Men's Conference:
If you feel the need to feed, run to the Son.
Like every year, blond solo guitarist Mike Dee will be available to talk with anyone who is struggling with habitual feeding.
39 comments:
sick.
This is very interesting. I always thought it was only the Castor canadensis which fed upon these "tadpole-like" organisms.
EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!
Funny article, though. By the way, it's "effect" not "affect." I'll let this one slide, Bacon...only because I love you so much.
As Mike Dee so eloquently put it at the last men's conference, "we all love to beat off in the shower."
I think that your recent articles are completely eroding any credibility you may have built up from your first few articles. They have such a different tone that I have to wonder if you've undergone a change in leadership or vision recently (the exception is Oshea's which is my faint glimmer of hope because it started a conversation about PBA's biggest problem -- alcohol).
When you first came on the scene, everyone was forced to respect you because you made valid points about what needed to change. However, this article is absolutely disgusting and puts you in the same category as the whining brats with do nothing but complain.
If your goal is to shock people and make people laugh, mission accomplished. If your goal is to make the administration notice and change some things at PBA, you are now failing miserably.
There may be small shreds of truth to this article, but the tone is very different from when you first began, not to mention the revolting content. I no longer look forward to what you'll come up with next and have a much more difficult time defending you to my friends. I want my old bacon back. :(
still dissabpointed you need to chill. Sure the Bacon is here to show things that are wrong with PBA, but it is also here to just make us laugh and forget our problems.
I don't know about everyone else, but I think worms in the showers are a problem at PBA.
still disappointed:
Oh, so you only want to hear about what other people are doing, right?
to weezy: I know. The article said that the pics were actually taken from a Rinker shower. That would bother me if I had to shower with worms.
I can't believe someone went on such a long rant about a fake, online newspaper. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Anyway, great stuff. Sometimes feeding the worms has a time and a place and in campus showers certainly isn't one of them.
stop trying to categorize the bacon, just enjoy it for what it is. must it always stick to a cohesive goal or can it just be humor for humor's sake? i think it can and it will so chill.
My bad starla. I thought the Bacon was actually trying to get the administration's attention and make it better for us around here. Apparently they're here to rant for the sake of ranting and make us laugh; an empty voice which changes nothing.
My point was this. I'm sure that initially the Bacon got the administration's attention as a nuisance that expressed some valid concerns in a legitimate manner. Now, however, it's losing that reputation by reverting to the easy gag instead of well thought out satire.
I have enjoyed reading the Bacon, but it disappoints me that it's choosing to dampen its own voice and losing the opportunity to really make something different. I'm tired of complaining and I want to see things change. You can't demand to be taken seriously for serious issues when you also want to be laughed at. Things don't work that way from my experience.
If the Bacon just wants to make students laugh instead of making changes at PBA, then like I said, my bad.
The Bacon has a dignified history of publishing both articles aimed at change and articles aimed at fun. I wonder how exactly Still Disappointed sees articles such as "Record number of students" and "Fat chicks" as serious issues attempting change, even though they are some of the original articles posted on the site. This site has become popular due to its fun, satirical stories, and to limit the creativity due to a lack of "seriousness" is just being pretentious. Basically the best thing I can say to SD, who will probably remain disappointed no matter what is posted, is to write your own articles if you are disappointed with those currently produced!
Y'all are idiots. I think Still Disappointed is joking.
And so it begins, Bacon:
The Backlash!
The public is becoming increasingly critical. Their thirst for fake news has been quenched and they now seek more.
Watch your back Bacon. The fake news that made you popular could very well be your downfall.
;)
...some of the time i get the feeling that more than just students are posting comments...
I'm not a student. Any others out there?
I'm a firetruck. no wait, that was last week. I'm a toaster over. Shhh, don't tell anyone, toaster ovens aren't allowed in the dorms.
Regarding the comment about making the administration change... yeah... I used to think like you. I spent 4 years banging my head against a wall with nothing to show for it. My advice to everyone that still has time left in their PBA sentence... go to a state school. You will find more tollerance, freedom and you get the same amount of institutional BS for a lot less money. Plus when you get a degree from a state school, your future employers won't say "PBA... is that one of those diploma mills?"
I'm not a student at PBA, though I do have connections there, hence my interest in the bacon. I hear from my connections about the things that happen and was pointed this direction.
still disappointed- if you want change at PBA do it yourself, dont wait for a publication like this and expect them to do all the work.
I'm not a student. I am an undercover mother. LOL I love the Bacon. I love the fact you all play and laugh, etc. Not always my favorite topics (red faced) but ya know what? It is not about me! LOL Keep smiling...I am disappointed in PBA, I am disappointed in the way that the administration freaks out over stupid things (like wanting all of the bacon staff punsihed, or students suspended for disagreeing in thought) and does little to encourage, praise, and validate hard effort and good example. Welp, now I am sounding like the mother I am...ha ha ha.
If the administration wanted the Bacon Staff punished they would have cracked down on them after they caught the monkey passing out flyers. They probably also would have blocked the Bacon a long time ago.
Perhaps they are more tolerant than we may have thought...
To still disappointed: you are mistaken. You started your last paragraph with "There may be small shreds of truth to this article..." I don't know if you've ever taken a biology course, but I'm rather certain that worms don't feed on semen, or any other animals for that matter. If you're going to be a party pooper, then don't read the Bacon. Isn't that the nice thing about this country? If you don't like something what someone is saying, you don't have to pay attention to it. So do us all a favor. Lighten up or buzz off.
Actually, the "small shred of truth" is this:
Those pictures were from a Rinker apartment shower. Yes, there are worms in there.
And yes, everyone knows that worms do not consume semen.
That's what Baxter's for.
Well, the third floor at least.
I hereby declare that "to feed the worms" is henceforth a new way to say...
you know what.
"Hey Robert...unlock this door...quit feeding those worms!"
"Sorry I'm late...had to feed the worms."
"Dude, the worms have really been hungry lately...must be the stress from finals week"
Funniest thing ever posted on the Bacon....
"Everyone knows that worms do not consume semen.
That's what Baxter's for."
Congratulations...
thanks man.
maybe i should write for the Bacon, eh? I hear they are looking for someone to take over for next year
you people take this stuff way too serious...lighten up and laugh.
The Bacon is serious, you idiot. We need to hold it accountable so that it can give us accurate news.
I think stilldissapointed needs to feed the worms. relax a little big guy.
stilldissapointed needs some love from 3rd floor baxter
Haha. You guys are funny. Except Stilldissapointed. If we ever find out who you are...you don't even want to know.
I find it more than a little bit ironic that you would threaten me for speaking my mind on a blog that encourages students to speak their mind.
You're entitled to speak your mind as well, but come on now, threatening me? Are you serious? Didn't that go out of style in 8th grade?
Apparently understanding when somebody is joking has also went out of syle.
Yeah, man. I was joking. This is the Bacon, right?
still disappointed can't say anything right
i'm still disappointed with stilldisappointed
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