In their first publication of this semester The Beacon published a stunning article on the recently escalated vulture population around campus."I was walking out of Borbe and it struck me," said Casey Fermenter, "no seriously an eight foot black vulture flew into my face."
Fermenter detailed the patterns of the birds and interviewed several vulture experts and nearby office workers and reported their theories on the birds behaviors.
"Oh I see them very up close and personal," said Bonnie Crig. "They come right up on our ledge. They have nostrils I can see through and they are ugly as can be; but, they sure are interesting to look at," The Beacon quoted.
The Beacon also provided shocking Black Vulture Facts:
1. They are black
2. Frequently flaps while soaring
3. Dark gray head unfeathered and wrinkled
4. They are birds
5. Vultures eat food
6. Vultures have beaks
"We considered writing a story about the resignations of both Ray Doerksen, Dean of the Library, and Ann Bracken, Communication professor," said a Beacon spokesman, "but we knew that a story about a big bird was far more important to the student body.
24 comments:
Everybody be sure to check out "Black Vulture Fact" inside the Beacon. They're in there alright.
Well played Bacon, well played.
All in all the story in the Beacon about the birds was interesting. They are a part of campus life, much like the squirrels of death that stole my turkey melt last thursday.
But the Black Vulture Facts segment were pretty hilarious.
Gee, I sure wish the Beacon story could be read online...
Come on Dianne Dorsey, please let the Beacon post on the Internet again.
Darn tootin birds are more important than information that might make the school look bad. Way to go propaganda machine! Way to crank out the sunshine out your arse facade.
Squirrels are evil.
Don't believe me?
http://www.scarysquirrel.org/campus/pbau.html
See for yourself.
Aaaaaaaakkkkk.......aaaaakkkkkk!
(Translation: Bombs away!)
Also brilliant the fact that they report on the vultures that their migration occurs OCT 16 - the end of APRIL. Either the Beacon is really late, or really early.
and another work of brilliance on the opposite page where tips for losing weight included:
-Don't eat before bedtime (As opposed to?)
-Don't lost more than 1/2 a pound a week...
Dear Beacon, if you neglect to ear before your bedtime (which would be any given time of the day) you will lose a trifle bit more than 1/2 a pound a week...
...I eat dead people...
i honestly didn't know that black vultures are black
actually, if you eat directly before you go to bed, your body will absorb the fat while you sleep more so than if you eat a few hours before you hit the head.
i suppose they could have said, "don't eat immediately before bedtime"
Beacon news flash:
General Custer found dead in South Dakota.
Be watching next month's Beacon for details.
touche.
lol
Beacon News Flash:
Construction on Weyenburg Student Center to begin
Paul Corts named President
Billy Graham to speak at 1996 commencement
Beacon News Flash: New Library to be built! Book your party, bat mitzvah, or reunion today!
The idea that your body turns food into fat while you are sleeping is ridiculous. If you eat rice cakes before going to bed, you are not going to get fat. If you eat a 1/2 gallon of Cookie Dough Ice Cream, you will gain weight. It's not when you eat but what you eat that causes you to gain weight. Way to go Beacon for spreading old wives tales instead of news.
Wow..Bacon! It was an features piece not an actual news article! I do agree with your points, Chris Moody in Towers 401.
I think the person you are looking for is Trisha, I think she lives in that room
I think I got the right person. He lived in that room last year.
That was a girl's-only floor last year.
I lived up there.
Hmmm...perhaps my memory escapes me, or I maybe I had the ability of flight, but I never climbed stairs to get to his room.
He lived on the 1st floor.
You do realize this guy is saying Chris Moody Towers 401, not Chris Moody Towers 401 LAST YEAR.
chris didn't even live in towers 401. that was a girls room last year.
Apparently he now lives in a shack in India working in missions, far far away from here.
What's the deal with the kid who keeps posting that comment everywhere?
whoever he or she is, he's apparently nuts.
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