In a shocking statement, Library Dean J. Ray Doerksen recently announced that he is resigning from his position as head of the library. With the Club Warren only halfway into completion, the loss of yet another dean is bringing many to question just what is going on behind the scenes."Ray just wasn't fun enough for us," said a campus spokesmen. "He got all huffy about us closing the library to students early in the afternoon so we could throw a party..boring! Get this: I hear, the guy even liked to read. Ha!"
He noted that the philosophies of a library just didn't measure up to that of the administration, and the differences were irreconcilable.
"We don't need any of these stuffy PhD types coming to our school and bringing their love of learning and bibliophilism with them, we just don't," said the spokesman.
With the empty space, PBA is reconsidering the candidate they will seek to replace him. In closed door meetings last week, administrators decided to hire a professional party planner to take on the task of head librarian.
"Sure, our library Christmas bash was great," said a member of the president's staff as she tossed 200 unread student comment cards from the library into a bonfire. "But with these quiet intellectuals out of our hair, just imagine what we can do now!"
So far, applications have been pouring in from entertainment and party planning firms around the country. The events calendar has been filling up with festivities, said a campus spokesman.
"Christival is right around the corner. And we need a real professional here so the worship band can sound great the entire week," he said, looking at the ceiling of the library. "The acoustics in this building should be just right."
A video was forwarded by the administration to the entire campus community to show how much fun libraries can be.
"Look at how much fun these students are having," read the e-mail. "When we see students reading, they are always frowning, and that makes us frown. With all this frowning going around, action had to be taken."
Let the party begin.
14 comments:
Just to help everyone separate fact from parody, Dean Doerksen is indeed resigning.
I, for one, will miss him.
This is sad. In the name of trying to be humorous over a one hour event you have insuled a wonderful man who has given his life to serving students in Christian higher education. To equate his position to a party planner is just a cheap shot at him and all the other librarians. Bacon thy name is mean spirited hypocracy. You need to apologize to this fine man for making fun of his decision to postpone his retirement until the new library was on line. You have robbed him of dignity and demeaned him. This is not funny it is sick. Shame on you!
This article in no way makes fun of the library Dean. It highlites the disparity between his philosophy of the library and the administration's.
Although I cannot speak for the Bacon, I would venture to say they are on his side.
I fear you may have missed the point.
it is a cheap shot and not by a student I bet.
Wow first anonymous, did you read the article? If so, then maybe you should spend more time in a library learning reading comprehension. This article is in favor of how Dean Doerksen was running things and expressing sadness that he is leaving.
that was not the intention at all anon #1.
Have you asked Dr. D. what he thinks?
I'll bet a silver dollar you have not
This article compares what a Dean should be (Doerksen), and what a Dean shouldn't be--a party planner.
Dr D. did a fine job, and worked for students. That is obviously conveyed in this article.
Dean Doerksen : PBA Library :: Colin Powell : Bush Administration
Kind of a stretch but think about it.
i love analogies!
especially good ones.
dont worry max, that one makes perfect sense.
The key to the story: How is the SECOND stage of the library coming along?
Just asking.
I think everybody loves the dean, that's easy to see.
Unless he comes forward to say why he resigned, we'll never really know. He is a fine man, with high principles and he did a very good job. He will be missed and I'm sure I speak for everybody that we wish him well.
Excellence, Bacon. Thy name is EXCELLENCE
Great video!!
I found out from a staff member that Phase II has been held up because of the old FBC education building (the brick 3-story attached to the rotunda) has been deemed historically significant.
PBA and Leo Daly's plans were to preserve the octagonal building and replace the old brick building with a new 3-story addition.
If they aren't allowed to demolish the old brick building (which actually has some fine brick work near the top; take a look before it's gone!) the plans will have to be altered to PRESERVE the building rather than replace it.
Ironically, I guess it wasn't necessary to relocate the theatre department ASAP after all.
There was a problem with historical concerns related to the rectangular building, but according to recent information I've heard (from a very reliable source), that issue has been dealt with.
There are other issues though. Construction-related issues.
Too bad Dr. D won't be there to lead us through the construction of phase 2 (though I bet he's glad he doesn't have to!)
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