An in depth study conducted by senior researcher Ryan Straightda, shows that students' quickened foot speed through Rinker Green on Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon was not related in any way to the blood drive taking place on campus.The study analyzed the heightened stress levels experienced by PBA students during the third week of their Spring semester and noticed a strong correlation to the number of recently developed sinal allergies to jelly filled donuts and extra-large cotton t-shirts.
Straightda's report also tells of last week's overwhelming student "visits to tattoo parlors, trips to third world countries, and contact with contaminated blood," because students knew how busy this week would be.
"I would have given blood, sincerely," said 84 lb. Sophomore Aimie Effeldrone as she checked yes to Straightda's survey question #4, "Are you deathly afraid of needles?"
Straightda stood near Rinker Green all afternoon, and asked students about their swift walking.
"This is the best pizza party ever," answered Freshman Peter Bangs immediately before he was seized by the knees and dragged into the bus.
Copies of the research will be available in the commuter lounge.
15 comments:
Funny!
Actually, giving blood is no big deal, it helps a lot of people,and I've found that as long as you don't look at what the nurses are doing, you won't grow faint. Sometimes, they give you passes and neat stuff for doing it, and of course, cookies and orange juice galore!
A definite worthy cause.
If you haven't tried it, don't knock it or rebuff it.
Don't be a wuss....give blood!
(No, I am not a street alcoholic, looking for a few extra bucks!)
maahhmalia jaahckon now what the hizzat you gone done be talkin bouts i go a sneakin up to dat bus sometime between my breakfast down at the flaminga gas station and mah walk down to the intracosta and you knows what? i gives about a pint a blood a day- you know why? helps me get good and drunk.andd aints nohting rong with dat. so immma tell alls mah frends down at da librarry dat iffn theys needd a place to scorre a feww extra bucks i says "go dowhn to da school. i says?" "go own downna there and says to em i gots blood. i gots it right heres in mah arms. " so i gives emm mahh arms and they says, s"ir are you a student"? amd i says yah": and i wanst lyin. cuz i waent to a class last week about whatll happen if yah smoke too much and what your lungs hates yah fpor. cuz they BLACK>!.
now youall knows that i was a one angry sons a biz when i heard that soo i goes a walkin out and ill be snapped i see it there that ol luxury bus with them nurses in their pajama suits and i goes up to thems and i says "whus all dis!" and theys just trys to drive the bus away so i grabs onto the windshield wipers and i hold on foh dis boys life. and she syops it and says ok. git on. so i gets on and then she askss me "are you a student"? but i donr tol yall dsat alrwedy. so then i takes mah arms out my sleeves and then i start takin off my pants and she says well my deary lord thats enough sir. and so she sticks dat needle in mah arm- the wimpiest cleanest needle i evah saw. and sje takes mah blood from me and she then says i get two tickets to the comedy club, a jelly donut, and some work shipp hours- now what the beans am i gone do wit thoses? so i got ta thinksin so much baout them hours and what i culd trades them for that i forgot whay i waz there. do i see this big ol lady in her pajamas with my blood in a jar and i knows m7y blood when i sees it cuz i done seen it plenty a times. so i stood upn quick and says "gimme my blood! gimme it now or esle ima going to take yours lady!" bu8t she got a ll scared and styarted sqwawkin her jaw off and give s me my blood back. bhut then i have the idea to gets all that blood on that bus and im going to make an art project outa it and sell it to that Norton musam and be a millionair e and live like trumpy. so das what i did. i was grabbin dem bags one by one and then i wadnt sure if all they was blood or if some of em were strawberry jam in a sack- cuz my mama used to put her jam in a sack like that, but she don't drive no fancy bus- so i opened up a few a dem sacks- i gotta know are dey bloods? and then they starts a sloshin all ova me and drippin down mah beard and got in mah eyes and i didn't know what i was ganna do- and it was blood alright- that aint no jam i be puttin on dis mans toast i dont care how hungry or drunk i am.
The last comment should be removed by the Bacon editor(s)because of its racist undertones.
Bacon editor(s), it is also your job to watch these postings, and if need be, remove offensive remarks that go way out of line.
the aforementioned comment of controversy, is just a funny imaginitive response to mahalia jackson's "street alcoholic" bit.
offensive? racist? i think it's too ridiculous and silly to be either. i think its just a joke and should be regarded as a comical situation written by inspiration by the first comment. i thought it was funny.
Bosco is obviously imitating black slang and street language. It is racist in nature,and I'm chagrined that there aren't more blacks and people of color (and others concerned) responding in protest to the Bacon editor.
I'm also surprised that it isn't removed by the Bacon. By it not being removed, do we the readers conclude that the Bacon is now racist in nature? Are we moving into a new area here? Does the Bacon support Bosco's racist slang and contentions? In my opinion, this is not just a funny slang "bit" that we can all chuckle about. The old Amos and Andy show was taken off national TV back in the early 1960's because it was seen as racist and offensive, partially because of the racial stereotypes portrayed and the stereotypical language and slang used.
My question to the Bacon is this: Does anything now go on the Bacon? Are you guys asleep on this one? I would really like to know.
Don't get me wrong. I love what you do, but there are places that I think we should not go, and there are things which need to defended and this is one of them. If there are others that feel the way I do, please write your comments.
Bosco's comments are offensive.
If you are really that worried with how the Bacon is run, first off, get an account and don't hide behind the title of anon. Secondly, contact The Bacon personally, (they have an email) and tell them your problems, maybe you could write for them, it is a community news source. Lastly, you know the bacon is mostly a joke and jokes are maed all the time. This one by bosco just happens to be a little racey. Check out The Onion, the Bacon tends to base its satirical comedy off of The Onion's blatant satire.
This is to the first commenter, Mahalia Jackson.
As a person of Anglo ancestry, I find your comment to be racist because of the diction and grammar that you are using. You are writing like a white person. I for one, am offended.
Dear Bacon,
You should not allow people to write comments in a manner that propels stereotypes such as this.
Please remove the racists comment that portrays white people in this way.
who says that person is black? he never says he is black...unless you misread the line that reads
"if yah smoke too much and what your lungs hates yah fpor. cuz they BLACK>!."
the "black" refers to lungs that have taken on too much smoke.
If anything he was playing the "street alcoholic" that mahalia jackson referred to. If you want to believe he is black, well go right ahead. I am going to believe he is Icelandic.
Hey Bacon! Stop being racists against people from Iceland!
I think Bosco Gouch should be a regular Bacon columnist.
Actually, I saw him the other day, riding your new bike down Olive...
by deleting Bosco's comment, doesn't THAT act make the bacon seem racist?
Why does anonymous have against people who talk (or type) like that anyway?
if the bacon deleted bosco's comment it would tell readers that they do not tolerate people who talk differently.
and that doesn't sound fair at all, does it?
carry on bosco. feel free to express yourself.
bosco, your story made me cry i laughed so hard.
All of these comments are totally unbelievable.
I still say Bosco and the rest of you should be ashamed. But then again, this is the Bacon.
ahahahhaha these comments are great !!!
Wow..Bacon! Interesting article, funny, Chris Moody in Towers 401.
People who get easily offended are funny.
Post a Comment