Students Find the Lord's Will, On New Athletic Fields

After hearing rumors that the Lord's will had been hanging out near PBA's recently purchased athletic fields, several students with undeclared majors set out in attempts of discovering the Lord's will and their future.

Before departing on their quest, the students read aloud from Jeremiah 29 and the collected poems of Rick Warren.

"We wanted to be well prepared for the Lord's will," said freshman Norman Brisseltips.

Upon arriving at the fields, the students listened intently, but heard nothing but the sounds of interstate traffic and passing jet engines. They persisted to look, and eventually noticed a rustling behind a four foot boulder.

"Jackpot," said sophomore Bonnie Fastburn as she proceeded to drag the Lord's will out from behind the boulder.

The recently purchased property, located near Belvedere and Parker, was purchased by the government for $78 trillion, almost 50 years ago, and was sold to PBA for 38 cents and a bag of marbles, despite hefty offers from other companies.

"Take that Donald Trump," said the school president in boxing stance.

"Before the foundations of the earth, God orchestrated this purchase," he added.

An ancient Hebrew text, recently discovered by PBA's very own Dr. Nathan Street, shows that before the cosmos was created, the new athletic fields were created.

"How else do you explain such a huge discount?" said the president as a passenger jet roared eight feet above his head, drowning out the rest of his sentence.

After finding the Lord's will, all seven students have declared business majors.