PBA goes too green, cuts all campus electricity

Early Tuesday morning, flashes of green began to fill the campus as SIFE (Students in Free Enterprise) prepared for the greatest display of planet saving in the history of PBA.  The purpose of their event was to advertise the proposal of a 'Green Roof.' 

"We don't really know what it is, but we are certain that it is very green," said a member of SIFE. 

A green roof is composed of indigenous plant life, positioned on a roof to soak up all heat from the sun, thereby reducing the temperatures of buildings. The hope is for PBA to commit to the installation of green roofs on all future construction projects. 

Although the cost of construction would be higher, the long term goal would be to save money due to lower electricity costs; and of course, to be more environmentally friendly. 

Throughout the event, SIFE stressed the importance of the color green to the inner workings of environmental stewardship. 

Three students were caught trying to pick up trash without green shirts on. They were immediately apprehended with hand woven ficus straps and were forced to swallow four gallons of soy milk through a funnel. 

"How do they expect to save the planet without a single bit of green in their clothing," said a SIFE representative. 

Enraptured by the spirit of the festivities, schools officials opted to go completely green, cutting out all campus electricity for an entire day.

"Forget energy conservation, just turn it all off," said an administrator as he hacksawed every cable in PBA's circuit breaker. 

Administrators then proceeded to paint their entire bodies green and began hoisting PBA trustee John Greene into the air repeatedly. 

Sodexho added the green icing to the cake with an evening barbecue, providing styrofoam plates and plastic utensils to students; all of which was tossed into a roaring bonfire on Rinker Green to conclude the celebration.