Over the last semester students and faculty have grown accustomed to the untimely, if not random, tolls of the chapel bells. Recently however, the bells have begun sounding 40 minutes late, forcing authorities to call a mandatory meeting with the Desantis bell ringer, a hunchback by the name of Greg.
It all began when a female student claimed sanctuary from Health and Wellness, after single-handedly devouring a four pound meatloaf. While there she gave birth to a son, whom she dedicated to the work of ringing bells in the PBA chapel tower.
Since that time, relations between chapel staff and the hunchback have been cordial, and administrators have made extra effort to assure Greg's happiness.
When he grew lonely, officials had six biblical gargoyles cast to offer companionship. Greg took a particular liking to Abraham and they have often been heard chatting at all hours of the night.
"He has always been an asset to life at PBA, but his performance as of late is unacceptable," said an administrator. "I was late to racquetball."
Officials called a meeting in the library board room late Sunday to manage the situation before classes resumed on Monday.
Greg was heard sobbing from the rafters of the library after being scolded in front of everyone during the meeting.
"He's got a lot on his shoulders," said a sympathetic administrator following the meeting.
Thankfully, Greg has returned to the chapel tower and plans to continue attending Thursday's traditional service. He has promised to resume bell ringing responsibilities at 8 a.m. Monday morning, however time can only tell whether he will be at his peak.
10 comments:
four pounds of meatloaf. that's my kind of girl. i had a coworker who claimed he ate 5 pounds of cheese in 10 minutes and didn't poop for a whole year.
did she dip the meatloaf in ketchup. i was wondering that because i like to dip my meatloaf in ketchup and i was hoping that she did too. and once i know all the details i will eat four pounds of meatloaf myself and birth a mate for greg. then they can make an entire family of bell ringing hunchbacks and be more regemented with their bell ringing and not be late anymore. that's my dream at least.
solid little story bacon.
My favorite line:
"He's got a lot on his shoulders," said a sympathetic administrator following the meeting.
The chapel bells have only been right for about two weeks in the entire time I have been at PBA. Last year they seem to have fixed themselves but slowly have gone from a few seconds off to over two minutes. It really sucks because I have had professors count me as late because the bell had rung but I still technically had time.
Greg needs to be beaten with a stick on the Rinker Green.
HAHAHA. this is genius, this is beauty. Bacon! can i say i'm proud of you? can i say that?
good shit, good shit.
You know, there was a person BEFORE Greg who rang the bells. It's sad that the only person who knew how to run those things left a few years ago... He tried to teach Greg how to do it without loosing time. Oh where could he have gone? I miss the days of them ringing for four minutes at 2 am in the morning during exams....
I thought maybe PBA was trying their own version of daylight saving time.
there's eastern time, central, mountain and pacific and then there is PBA time.
I saw Greg. He looked a little scared. He waddled into the Chapel mumbling something about beating him with sticks ding dong gotta ring the bells. I hope we don't go into chapel tomorrow and find him hanging up in the rafters where the shoe used to be.
Poor Greg :-(
I have no sympathy for Greg... if he can't do his job right, he should be fired... like so many other people at.... oh, nevermind....
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