While the PBA firewall is able to block access to most inappropriate websites, it is not able to completely protect freshman boys from access to alternate sources of visual stimulation. "Google Images is a very serious problem," said the director of Lust Free Living, a group at PBA centered on helping students to overcome their lustful desires. "Not only do the previews of searched Google images cause students to back-track, but they also may lead to serious eye problems, including cataracts."
A cataract is a cloud that develops in the crystalline lens of the eye, which restricts the passage of light. Their severity ranges from slight vision loss to blindness.
Most doctors believe that cataracts are caused from long-term exposure to ultraviolet light. Many in the PBA community however, have surmised that the recent outbreak is the result of sheer trauma from the discovery of Google images.
Most doctors believe that cataracts are caused from long-term exposure to ultraviolet light. Many in the PBA community however, have surmised that the recent outbreak is the result of sheer trauma from the discovery of Google images.
"I thought my roommate was kidding," said Lloyd Vanderbulb, a freshman from Minnesota.
Vanderbulb used to see 20/20, but is now nearsighted and has trouble catching a frisbee.
He is only one of many freshman boys struggling with the urge to search.
Greg Turfmol alone spent over 57 consecutive hours on the Google image browser.
"There are just so many options to choose from," said Turfmol with a patch over his right eye.
"There are just so many options to choose from," said Turfmol with a patch over his right eye.
Luckily for them, there is hope. Next semester, PBA will be holding a discussion on the issue of lust and Christian living, at which they will be handing out lechery-slaying swords for students to use against the devil's legion of lust pirates.
17 comments:
so true...who hasn't stared at those tiny boxes?
Well, I guess it's better than watching scrambled cable after midnight.
My vision problems while browsing google images came more from bad aim than UV radiation...
Later,
KW
Was this a good Bacon article?
I can't see what this says.
Totally used to do that...
I never knew I could get material to help me feed the worms in the shower. Satire and educational material in one. Maybe the next bacon article can be on how to use your iPhone to cheat on tests or maybe y'all can do one on how to make plastic explosives in your room with nothing more than household chemicals and an electric hotplate. There are just some things that the media ( even satire media ) should not cover. I'm asking the editors of the Bacon to pull this article out of a sense of responsible reporting and upholding Christian values. Just because a handful of people at pba are corrupted, there is no reason to tempt others into sin.
lulz
Are you serious?
don't pull it bacon. It's funny and really not comparable to making bombs.
To the anonymous 4 up - What exactly is your case for pulling this article?
No way that anonymous is serious. I think everyone in the world already knew you could do this. Also, it is hardly in the same realm as making bombs. Lighten up people, you should have some of the item advertised in my link.
I have not left my dorm room since I read this article two days ago.
And I don't plan to leave for another week.
Pornography destroys people from the inside out. I can only guess that is what anon meant by his/her bomb reference. For all that support keeping this story, keep in mind, you are supporting distribution of pornography.This is a Christian University, we are supposed to uphold biblical values. Teaching people how to access porn that may not have known how to access it before is just wrong.
to the above anonymous.... Are you listening to yourself, or do words just get typed in some sort of electronic form of diarrhea? The Bacon's job is to post stories (albeit funny ones, and yes, pornography is a bad thing - but I would daresay most college students know about google images and could easily find out about them if they didn't. Don't kill the messengers.
I don't believe the Bacon is endorsing/condoning pornography nor is it trying to teach others how to access it. Yes, this is a problem and the school is against it but read the article. Clearly, what is being satirized here is the fact some students would go to somewhat extreme and strange measures to support bad habits. Either this is a particularly sensitive topic for you anonymouses (anonymi?) or you need to grow a sense of humor.
Well said, Mr. Powers (Pinkie finger to lip)
still haven't left my dorm room...
I'm asking the editors of the Bacon to proudly support this article out of a sense of responsible reporting and upholding intellectual values. Just because a handful of people (ahem...) at pba are doltish, there is no reason to tempt others into sin.
It's not enough to repress sexual proclivity of humans, we must subdue any naturally arising intellectual penchants as well!
I become a stronger exponent of eugenics every day! (Just kidding...kind of...)
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