Caught up in Washington politics, PBA seems to have given in to spreading the wealth by funding its own pork-barrel projects. The recent 2009 Quality Initiative Research Grant divested $28,000 from the university’s budget in order to support eight faculty members and four students with the intention this money be used for scientific and scholarly research.
Seeing PBA's generosity, others lobbied for their share of an "initiative" package, and all of them got it under the new Matthew 7:7 policy.
“This sort of spending is just plain wasteful,” said frequent Beacon contributor Tetzel Harlem. “PBA is intent on cooking up 'Bacon barrel' spending which will drive us deeper into authoritarianism.”
“We can’t just universitionalize our science labs,” said College Republican Mark Lincoln, recipient of a substantial zoology 'research' grant.
Already struggling with containing the ever-growing philosophy department, the school was forced to give in to professor Dr. Chastekott’s demands and award him some of the initiative money as well.
“As this philosophy market bubble expands the only choice we have is to keep feeding this unpredictable industry, hoping the bubble burst will one day make it completely unprofitable,” said an administrator. “If this means students won’t be able to find jobs in philosophy once they graduate, that’s a risk we’ll need to take.”
A growing concern about the package is that the money will be misused. In an attempt to assure PBA that their money is being spent wisely, the science and philosophy departments took out full-page Beacon advertisements detailing their "research."
“We’re gonna invest the money in lotto tickets,” said junior Mike Hight, a business major. “Statistically, it shouldn’t fail!”
9 comments:
No surprise that PBA is misusing our money.
Outrageous.
You really think it's bad to fund research at this university?
You'd rather fund the Smoker's Wall?
How smoked up are you guys?
I think it is more a satire of:
A) the stimulus bill
B) what the research grants are for
Right.
No funding for Smoker's Wall = wah, wah, wah...
(cough, cough)
Lakeview-er,
actually, it's not misuse of money at all - in fact, research is one of the cornerstones of a good university and often brings in good press and at times money for the school.
Believe it or not...
Later,
KW
KW is absolutely correct.
The QI Grant program is one of the things PBA has right.
Research funds have resulted in a great deal of scholarly output from faculty and students, including a good number of presentations and publications - enhancing PBA's reputation and the value of your degree.
Some students have co-authored peer reviewed papers as undergrads from this research- making them highly competitive for graduate and professional schools.
These funds are available annually to those motivated enough to apply for them. In my opinion, more should be invested in this program- the dividends for PBA are immeasurable.
I think it is making fun of the stimulus bill more than the people doing research here.
Matthew 7:7 policy...lol
Thinker,
I agree, I don't think the Bacon was trying to bash the QI Grants (At least, I hope they weren't.) But nevertheless, it seems some people (Lakeview-er among them) think that PBA is misuing funds through research grants... Which is well; bull, because the kind of research it is funding is adding to the public knowledge and helping to advance the carrers to the students and faculty who put the time into a study and applying to the Grant. It's not as easy to get as government bailouts: people are turned down. The QI grants are a good example of a researching reaping benefits for the work they've begun/sown - Bailouts on the other hand are rewarding greedy executives for being greedy in the name of stability.
Later,
KW
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