Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Special Report: PETA request exposed

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has asked PBA to ditch their iconic sailfish mascot in favor of the "Sea Kitten" Due to widespread confusion concerning PETA's logic, The Bacon investigative journalist John Spamino has been looking into the unusual request.

While thoroughly skimming the Palm Beach Post article, Spamino found that the newly created Sea Kitten was "created by PETA."

After casually consulting a lawyer friend about copyright laws, Spamino realized that if PBA honored PETA's request, the largest animal rights organization would hold all rights to PBA's mascot. Basketball jerseys and Sea Kitten Cup flyers would be fundraisers for PETA.

PETA is placing the pressure on PBA in an attempt to coerce researchers at PBA's state-of-the-art rat lab to immediately end their studies into the effects of party drugs.

PETA planned to place Sailfish Jack's role as mascot under scrutiny until the lab's forty lab rats are free to roam the city. The researchers had chosen the number of rodents to celebrate PBA's 40 fabulous years as an institution of higher learning.

Ida Robinson, President of PETA, commented, "Knowledge is inferior to rats."

10 comments:

frightened PBA employee said...

That picture scares me!

Anonymous said...

Now that's funny!

Until the Bacon article, I really didn't know what a sea kitten was. You have rendered an invaluable service to the University with this outstanding piece of investigative journalism.

BlackFalcon said...

Great post Bacon - I laughed out loud on this one... Does anyone take PETA seriously?

Anonymous said...

Better late then never I guess. Average article but I had a few chuckles.

Max Power said...

Tampa Bay changes its baseball team's name and goes to the World Series. PBA becomes the Sea Kittens and wins a national championship!

Anonymous said...

that sea kitten.. was actually scary. I'd go from sailfish jack n' jill to see kitten McFrightenin O.O

Mary Magdalene said...

And here I thought a Sea Kitten wouldn't strike fear into the hearts of our opponents...silly me. Great post, Bacon.

The Dismissal Scientist said...

Nice job, Bacon.

Anonymous said...

Good job Bacon!
Keep it up.
Regarding PETA, somebody needs to send them a nice big fat juicy steak and some lobster to calm them down a little.

Anonymous said...

"State-of-the-art" rat lab?

It's a frickin shanty in the middle of a parking lot.