Monday, April 6, 2009

Female students make bank on eggs


With the recent downturn in the economy, PBA students have turned to supplementing their financial aid by selling their reproductive gold. Due to flexible schedules among college students, female freshmen can make up to $5,000 between FYE and Lifetime Fitness by auctioning off their eggs.

"Because of the economy, my parents lost their jobs and I almost had to attend community college," said freshman Stacy Delichen. "But now that I've sold a couple dozen eggs, not only is my tuition covered for the next four years, but I just picked up Bernie Madoff's old house on the island on the cheap."

Girls have been seen around campus sporting gold chains, designer names, and pimp canes.

Male students are also looking for a chance to cash in on this egg craze.

"I need to get my hands on some of them there chickens," said Pahokee resident Jim-Bob McClucksky.

Additionally, male students have not yet discovered the existence of sperm donation banks and continue to just feed the worms.

11 comments:

mary magdalene said...

This is true bacon...good job, bacon staff! Sizzlin'

put put said...

How much have you made Mary?

Anonymous said...

made me laugh.

...ah, feeding the worms...

jjr said...

This is funny. But that article in the beacon was very well written

Flash Gordon said...

For once, I don't think this is a mockery of the Beacon.

Anonymous said...

You see?
Some like Bacon lean, and some like Bacon well done!
In the last 2 articles, we have both, and there's room on the plate for both.
Nice job, Bacon writers...ur sizzlin'. You have reached a nice stride and pace, and we love it.
Everybody please note: We all have about a month before the Bacon will be put in the proverbial refrigerator, so Bacon contributors, please send in your stuff, and editors, please hash through it and get it out there. For the Bacon reader, it gets to be a long cold Summer, beginning in May. Bacon editors, it would be nice if in the middle of Summer, you went to the fridge and pulled out something for us to nibble on.That's a suggestion that I think everyone would appreciate. Thanks again.

Ricky Napkins said...

My roommate, Jim-Bob McClucksky, is from Clewiston and not Pahokee. Those are two completly opposite sides of the lake.

With that being said. The article is amazing. Keep it up.

KW said...

Opposite sides is a bit overexhadurated - they're at 3 and 6 O'clock

Later,

KW

Anonymous said...

overexadhurated != exaggerated

K-dub said...

thanks for the clarification

Later,

KW

mary m. said...

I personally have made about $20,000 and have multiple gold chains to show for it...if you're lucky you'll see me 'round campus with the bling, putput.