With all of the financial woes hitting PBA due to low recruitment, the admissions department has had to rethink their staff choices yet again. After a six hour brainstorming session, it was finally decided who the weak link was."It was like a light came on in the room!" exclaimed director of admissions Joe Dull. "In the end, God calls students here and we are just instruments, so it must be His fault that our recruitment is way down."
God was sent an email asking that He clear out His desk and to please "not make a scene."
The admissions staff is currently courting possible candidates to replace God.
"Krishna has become an early frontrunner. We think the fact that he has 16,108 wives will make him great at recruiting more female students" said Dull. "But don't count out Pan. His skills on the flute will be sure to raise our recruitment of music students."
"I know the plans I have for myself," declared the Lord.
28 comments:
Hm....they must have discovered that God is black and decided to get rid of him like everyone else "of color" that used to work in admissions.
YES! Hilarious! Pure Bacon! Wow!
Anonymous #1-
How does race factor into this? If people are fired for not hitting numbers, then the color of their skin has nothing to do with the firing. If you have some proof of firing being based on race, please share the information with the rest of the group instead of just making accusations.
"I know the plans I have for myself"
Hah! Love it Bacon
Bacon writes a great piece.
Anonymous commenter takes it too far, ruins the fun.
Admin gets mad at the Bacon.
Really anon #1, that was lame.
Ok so Z is a superstar and he received a well deserved promotion. This makes sense. However, what doesn't make sense is why the other person, who definitely didn't meet his numbers, not only kept his job, but got a promotion. He didn't meet his numbers, so what justifies the promotion and not getting canned like everyone else? On the other hand, the ONLY other person who actually met her numbers(besides Z) was given the boot. Need I say, this person was not of the caucasian decent. So which is then, is it because she is a female, or because she is black??? she was clearly better at her job and her NUMBERS showed it- so obviously its not about the NUMBERS! AAAND why did they hire all white ppl, who clearly have no idea what they are doing as the replacement squad??? The "old" team continually and consistenly utilized the pathetic budget they were given to work with to set record numbers year after year- for almost ten years! Yet another smart decision by the PBA Administration...
2007: 3
2009: 0
This article is amazing. Thank you for the link about God making a big scene. Something needed to be said about that; He's such a drama queen.
To the Insider:
First, If you look at the numbers, enrollment has gone down each of the least three years so they weren't setting any records every year.
Second, their most recent hire is a minority named Jose.
Third, the system for recruiting was in the dark age. Some of the admissions counslors only visited their territory once, and it was in the next county over. Tell me how that's doing your job? They had a terrible system that misled people about how they were really doing and every consultant for that area will agree that there system was very poorly thought out and managed.
Fourth, they were probably let go more for attitude about accepting change and the new system instead of being black. Even if they met their numbers, if they weren't willing to be accountable and adapt to the new people, why should they be left to disrupt the department?
Change or get the axe, that's the PBA motto
...that mentality worked out well in the crusades, right?
Later,
KW
KW,
That's not really what happened at all.
Later,
W.K.
Ironic that black people were fired for unwillingness to accept "change," no?
A)Good work Bacon. This made me laugh a lot.
B)Bad work us, for immediately ruining the funniness of this article with a stupid accusation.
C)K.W., also bad work, for taking a funny article that got sidetracked on race, and sidetracking into the CRUSADES.
D) The new guy's name in Admissions is Josue, not Jose (he's black, not hispanic).
E) Thanks you Barack for bringing humor back into this
F) ML
Wow... you guys are incredibley ignorant and REAL mature. Glad to see your promoting your school and helping the situation.
If any grown-ups are reading this, please avert anger away from the bacon and toward comment users.
The Bacon wrote a great piece, and the first anonymous made everyone lose site of that.
Because man, that was funny.
Awesome piece. And I took the time to hit some of the highlighted links in the article--very nicely done!
Wow, we are lucky that the Bacon has a comment section for us to discuss things. But man do we mess it up sometimes like bringing up race when the story has nothing to do with it. I see the article to be more about Christians saying God is in control until things don't work out the way they want. But that is just my take.
PS. I do recognize the lack of color in admissions but I will hold my judgement since that is a very very serious accusation to make.
"I know the plans I have for myself" declares the Lord.
THAT is brilliant.
This was hilarious.
1. Shaft, who was a minority, left because he got a better job offer.
2. Right now 1 in 8 of our Undergrad Admissions counselors is not white. Sounds kind of like the PBA Undergrad student body stats too. Seems fitting that a majority white school would have a majority white staff? Just the kind of people we attract.
3. With the last hire there was a more than qualified white candidate, and they went with a black candidate.
4. This semester PBA had record enrollment for a Spring semester, with the current counselors.
5. People who don't know what they're talking about should keep their mouths closed.
6. The current director of Admissions is more focused on bringing in students that care about the PBA values than bringing in students. Notice the drop in disciplinary cases this year with freshman?
7. I just like the number 7.
4. That is absolutely not true. I saw the numbers.
6. The current director of admissions was hired at the end of last school year when almost all the students who were coming had already been accepted. He didn't even really start running things until the middle of summer. So to say that he had a big hand in bringing in the current freshman/transfers is just erroneous.
I'm pretty sure that this year and last are record lows.
Let me check.
Yeah, they're record lows.
Seriously guys? This is funny. Stop ruining it.
This is great! Hilarious!
HAHAHAHAHA.
OK let me rephrase that: "HAHAHAHAHA" This is truly hilarious. "Don't make a scene." You guys are beautiful.
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