Monday, November 9, 2009

Super Bowl ad raises enrollment numbers, eyebrows


New PBA president Lu Softin has been accused recently of suffering from delusions of incredible grandeur. In efforts to improve the school's public image, he has signed a contract to spend $3.1 trillion on a 30-second television ad to be aired during the Super Bowl on February 7, 2010.

"We're very excited about this opportunity to promote the school," said Softin. "We did some promo spots on the beach over the summer, and they really brought up our enrollment numbers, at least among girls from the Midwest."

Many students and faculty are up in arms about this controversial decision. Jaded honors students were witnessed picketing in front of Sachs Hall on Monday afternoon, watched closely by Safety and Security. Their demonstration did not go as planned, however, as many of the students abandoned their signs when distracted by an impromptu Socratic discussion on predestination.

Also vocal about their opposition are several theater students, who, despite having just received confirmation of their new facility, still complain of no support from the PBA community.

Prominent theater person Jean-Claude Pallous was quoted as saying, "That money should have gone to us. I mean, who even watches baseball anymore?"

President Softin has stated that he will stand firm behind his decision, assuring us that we'll be pleasantly surprised with the final result, though he refused to comment further.

An anonymous source from the film department, however, has informed us that the commercial is to feature PBA celebrity Sierra Minott twirling flaming sailfish whilst riding a blue and white Clydesdale unicorn around the brand new reading rotunda. Early drafts of the script included a rap interlude from former Mr. PBA M.Lot, but this was scrapped shortly after his sudden departure.

Neither Lot nor Minott could be reached for comment.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

M Lot's departure wasn't so sudden. He was on a long trail out of PBA for over a year with the way he studied.

Anonymous said...

Would a friendly commenter mind explaining the context?

Confused alum is well, confused. Again.

Anonymous said...

PBA purchased air time for a Super Bowl ad.

Imelderly Marcose said...

"many of the students abandoned their signs when distracted by an impromptu Socratic discussion on predestination" yummy, good Bacon!

Anonymous said...

crispy

Anonymous said...

For any confused alumni:
The school purchased local tv air time during the upcoming Super Bowl, in an attempt to advertise the PBA brand locally. They did not buy a national spot...that would break the bank! There is a huge difference in the cost of local air time vs. national air time.
Still, this was funny and well done, Bacon. Let's have more like this!

Communications Major said...

I heard that Lu also bought the rights to "Stall Talk" and had PBA's finest publication sent to every home in America,
hoping that millions of people will be inspired by "Stall Talk" during the halftime of the Super Toilet Bowl.

Anonymous said...

zzz

UdderlyAmazed said...

someone please translate "M. Lot" for us?

Anonymous said...

M.Lot was the alias and stage name of former PBAer Garret Render. He no longer attends PBA.

Anonymous said...

ZZZZZZZ......ZZZZZ....

Anonymous said...

ZZZZZZ.......ZZZZZZZ

Imelderly Marcose said...

sigh....Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Enjoy your turkey since we have no fresh bacon...sigh....

Anonymous said...

Write your own damn articles. Good grief, stop complaining. The Bacon owes nothing to PBA other than to let it drown in its own amniotic fluid.

Anonymous said...

Write your own damn articles. Good grief, stop complaining. The Bacon owes nothing to PBA other than to let it drown in its own amniotic fluid.

Anonymous said...

You mean "darn" articles, you darn Yankee.

Anonymous said...

zzzzz....zzzzz.....zzzzz......zzzzz.....zzzzz....

Anonymous said...

Instead of buying one local spot during the superbowl it would have been better to buy local spots during regular programming in areas of high concentrations of Christians like Colorado Springs. It's like the difference between using a pistol and a shotgun.

Anonymous said...

I believe the point is to raise awareness in the Palm Beaches first of the school. National can come later.There are many in this area who still don't know we're here, or confuse us with FAU.

Communications Major said...

In the past, it seemed to be the official policy of PBA to hide itself under a bushel.

PBA is one of the greatest things going on in Palm Beach County.

It's time to get the word out.

Anonymous said...

I miss the old bacon

Anonymous said...

To be alive, a weblog needs one post a day.

You would think that ONE A WEEK would be near-death, but breathing.

Come on, man!

graduating senior said...

satire usually appears when people feel oppressed. pba has become a better place to go to school. there isn't that much to make fun of. if the bacon is quiet, that's a good sign.

Anonymous said...

Goodbye chris moody's legacy

All Bacon readers said...

Honest question Bacon, and I think it deserves an honest response: We've noticed a steep drop in posting this year. I request that you tell us why. This is not to be antagonistic, but I think an open and honest discussion about why you don't write anymore is merited.

If you need more writers, why don't you recruit them? If you don't have time, why don't you tell us?

The frequent spans of absence without any word is disappointing. We would be much happier if you would keep communication open with readers, and let us know what's happening on your end.

I think everyone is willing to give you a fresh start. If you need time preparing new writers and relaunching, then please tell us, and we'd be happy to give you the chance.

journalist said...

The Bacon was started by journalism students that were upset by the censorship of the Beacon and the overly strict policies of the former administration. The current journalism students are not upset and don't feel the need to make fun of PBA.

Anonymous said...

zzzzzzzz....zzzzzzzzz......zzzzzzzzzz......zzzzzzzz

Anonymous said...

Dear Editor (s) of the Bacon,

I think it's time that you consider shutting the Bacon down. It grieves me to even consider such a thing, but it's obvious that the Bacon isn't something that you really care about,otherwise there would be more stories coming out for readers to enjoy. This doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything like that. It's just your priorities are elsewhere. I understand that school is first on your list, as it should be! But the Bacon should be at least in your top 5, and obviously it isn't. You probably feel that it's now a drag and a burden.
Your only alternative is to find someone who cares to take it over. I'm sure there are bunches of very creative people that you know who could take a crack at it. Make a list of your top candidates and then quietly go to them, starting with your #1 candidate-if he or she says yes, then the search is over! Give them the data needed to write and edit and you are off the hook! Off you go with the rest of your life! Good luck to you and let me give you a little advice regarding your potential success in the future: Don't take on something if you don't plan to follow through on the assignment.
We'd all appreciate it if you would either shut down or pass the baton.

Anonymous said...

And by "shut it down" please don't remove the thing. Just put up a post saying you won't be writing anymore. The Bacon will remain a piece of PBA history.

Or better yet...get someone who wants to, and is excited to write. That would be ideal.

Anonymous said...

If you're attending PBA, surely there's something you can satire! The place suddenly became a utopia after I moved on to better things? Figures....

Anonymous said...

If you're recruiting, you should check out the philosophy department. In my experience, philosophy students are somewhat deviant from the students typically found at PBA. This is a good thing; such students typically have well-formed thoughts and don't follow the status quo. Though they may be eccentric in some instances, free thought should always be appreciated and encouraged!

Anonymous said...

Yes, please eencourage free thought, as long as it coincides with what everyone else believes. At least that seems to be the message that Bacon has sent over the past three years. They didn't appreciate Dr. Searle's or Clark's ability to speak and act freely, so they ridiclued them because they wanted things there own way. Be free, just don't contradict me...what a slogan.

Anonymous said...

To the comment above:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7w64fbqYQY

The Bacon Student News said...

Bacon Readers,

Last year's Bacon editors graduated, leaving an entirely new editing staff, all of whom had less than a semester of experience and were consumed with work this semester, to the point that not only was there little time to write articles, but we rarely even saw anything on campus to make fun of.

We apologize for this semester's lack of fresh news. Sincerely. From the bottom of our porcine hearts.

Next semester will be more frequent, we promise. We may or may not be contacting some people about coming on board.

Love always,

The Bacon

Anonymous said...

Thanks Bacon. That would be a good thing to post on the main site.

Oh, and don't forget to wish us Merry Christmas, too. :)

Anonymous said...

Please, you guys still suck!!!!!!

Student Activities said...

Got Wazoo?

Anonymous said...

Lame. All I have to say. The Bacon is old and moldy and needs to be thrown away.

FuckChristians said...

you should be thrown away

Anonymous said...

Wow--these comments are something to satirize, honestly. Bacon, don't listen to these fools. Or THIS fool I should say because I have a suspicion that the majority of the negative "Anonymous" comments are from one individual. Anyway, to the readers: give the new staff a freakin' chance!! Let them have a few PBA experiences to write about before you draw and quarter them! Granted, maybe they should have hired some upperclassmen writers, but who knows? Maybe they couldn't find anyone that great because obviously the writing capabilities of our university are displayed on this wall of comments... Anyway, Bacon writers, keep it up. Obviously you're entering into a new age of The Bacon. You'll never be Moody, but make it your own! :-]