New PBA president Lu Softin has been accused recently of suffering from delusions of incredible grandeur. In efforts to improve the school's public image, he has signed a contract to spend $3.1 trillion on a 30-second television ad to be aired during the Super Bowl on February 7, 2010.
"We're very excited about this opportunity to promote the school," said Softin. "We did some promo spots on the beach over the summer, and they really brought up our enrollment numbers, at least among girls from the Midwest."
Many students and faculty are up in arms about this controversial decision. Jaded honors students were witnessed picketing in front of Sachs Hall on Monday afternoon, watched closely by Safety and Security. Their demonstration did not go as planned, however, as many of the students abandoned their signs when distracted by an impromptu Socratic discussion on predestination.
Also vocal about their opposition are several theater students, who, despite having just received confirmation of their new facility, still complain of no support from the PBA community.
Prominent theater person Jean-Claude Pallous was quoted as saying, "That money should have gone to us. I mean, who even watches baseball anymore?"
President Softin has stated that he will stand firm behind his decision, assuring us that we'll be pleasantly surprised with the final result, though he refused to comment further.
An anonymous source from the film department, however, has informed us that the commercial is to feature PBA celebrity Sierra Minott twirling flaming sailfish whilst riding a blue and white Clydesdale unicorn around the brand new reading rotunda. Early drafts of the script included a rap interlude from former Mr. PBA M.Lot, but this was scrapped shortly after his sudden departure.
Neither Lot nor Minott could be reached for comment.