Thursday, April 16, 2009

Introducing the Bacon Forum

Dear loyal readers,

The Bacon, PBA's most reliable news source, has decided to create a forum for PBA students/faculty/staff/parents/anyone to discuss what is happening here.

This is an experiment. If it doesn't work out, we will just delete it, so please keep it civil.

You can find it here. The link will also be on our sidebar forever.

You're gonna have to create an account, but it's not that big of a deal.

Read our rules section before posting anything. We hope this becomes a great place for free discussion on what is happening at PBA.

Your humble servants,

The Bacon Staff

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Dr. Lovejoy lives to teach another day



Nothing to report here other than that we thought this an incredible feat.

Monday, April 13, 2009

God fired from admissions department for not calling enough students

With all of the financial woes hitting PBA due to low recruitment, the admissions department has had to rethink their staff choices yet again. After a six hour brainstorming session, it was finally decided who the weak link was.

"It was like a light came on in the room!" exclaimed director of admissions Joe Dull. "In the end, God calls students here and we are just instruments, so it must be His fault that our recruitment is way down."

God was sent an email asking that He clear out His desk and to please "not make a scene."

The admissions staff is currently courting possible candidates to replace God.

"Krishna has become an early frontrunner. We think the fact that he has 16,108 wives will make him great at recruiting more female students" said Dull. "But don't count out Pan. His skills on the flute will be sure to raise our recruitment of music students."

"I know the plans I have for myself," declared the Lord.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Monday, April 6, 2009

Female students make bank on eggs


With the recent downturn in the economy, PBA students have turned to supplementing their financial aid by selling their reproductive gold. Due to flexible schedules among college students, female freshmen can make up to $5,000 between FYE and Lifetime Fitness by auctioning off their eggs.

"Because of the economy, my parents lost their jobs and I almost had to attend community college," said freshman Stacy Delichen. "But now that I've sold a couple dozen eggs, not only is my tuition covered for the next four years, but I just picked up Bernie Madoff's old house on the island on the cheap."

Girls have been seen around campus sporting gold chains, designer names, and pimp canes.

Male students are also looking for a chance to cash in on this egg craze.

"I need to get my hands on some of them there chickens," said Pahokee resident Jim-Bob McClucksky.

Additionally, male students have not yet discovered the existence of sperm donation banks and continue to just feed the worms.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Interview with Dr. David Clark, part two of two

The Bacon is proud to present the second portion of our interview with Dr. David Clark, the current President of Palm Beach Atlantic University.

The Bacon: Why are you leaving PBA?

Dr. David W. Clark: The comedian George Burns said,”always leave them wanting more.” It is always difficult to know when to leave a situation when things are going pretty well, but completion of the Warren Library, reaccreditation with SACS, reorganization of most areas of the university, completion of several buildings, recruitment of over 100 new outstanding faculty, the completed purchase and plans for the Hillcrest property, and the move into the top tier of MA granting schools in the South in this year’s US News rankings suggest that PBA is entering into a new period of maturation and quality development. Lois and I are in wonderful health. Our two sons are in Texas with our grandchildren. We long to live once more at our home on Eagle Mountain Lake near Fort Worth. I am considering an offer to become a professor in a PhD degree program in higher education at a university in Dallas. But I am keeping my options open until I have a chance to sit on the back porch and watch the sunrise on Sunrise Cove for a few months.

Bacon: What is your opinion of The Bacon?

Dr. Clark: I have read it and gotten some really good laughs. A few times, I wanted to cry as well. Humor is a difficult form of prose to write well, but irony has a very powerful influence. I believe in the free marketplace of ideas. I think that The Bacon serves this purpose at times. It adds color and sometimes steam to the issues in the PBA community. The challenge with blogs is the lack of responsible gatekeepers. Of course, occasionally, I have been offended, but I think you have done a really good job of avoiding ad hominems and gratuitous criticism. Besides I like bacon for breakfast, but only if it is very crisp!

Bacon: What advice do you have for the next President?

Dr. Clark: Listen for 6 months to everyone that you can talk with from faculty to students to staff before setting a course for the university. Spend time with Dr. Warren and Dr. Moody. Spend time with some of our retired trustees. Pray every day for PBA as you drive into work in the morning and as you drive home at night. It is such a challenging responsibility that unless the Lord protects it and blesses it you may fail. Continue to pick up paper on campus and eat frequently in the cafeteria so students can see you and talk to you. Then go home and swim laps in a pool or run around the block a few times and enjoy your family.

Interview with Dr. David Clark, part one of two

The Bacon, the most reliable and relevant news source, has conducted an exclusive interview with the current outgoing President of Palm Beach Atlantic University, Dr. David W. Clark. We appreciate his cooperation on this project.

The Bacon: What has been your greatest accomplishment at PBA?

Dr. David W. Clark: In a sense, I have not really accomplished anything on my own here. I would hope that I helped move the school forward in being a place where rigorous learning and critical thinking is encouraged within a matrix of an evangelical university community. The good Lord has continued to bless PBA in the past 6 years as in the past 40 years. This university is a fairly complex organization with many contributing individuals. They are the ones why deserve the credit for whatever good has happened in the past six years. I realized again when I taught last semester that teaching is hard work. We have an outstanding and truly committed and engaged faculty. Every survey we take of students indicates that our faculty and access to our faculty is our strongest asset. Likewise we have a wonderful staff who totally involved with our students but really our greatest asset is our students.

Whenever I pat a student on the back (and I do that a lot) I know that I am literally touching the future. I love our students and I think it shows. I hope it does. After this spring commencement, I will have had the honor to award degrees to 4,000 of our 10,000 total alumni.

Bacon: What has been your greatest failure at PBA? What would you have done differently?

Dr. Clark: That is a difficult question because leading a school like PBA is more art than science. Of course you make mistakes and some decisions that you later question. I certainly have said things I wish I had never said. The decisions you think most about and lose the most sleep about are personnel decisions. A few of these I might handle differently if I could do them over.

I had hoped to have the Hillcrest campus all completed before I retired, but because of the economy that has been delayed until the university’s 60 acres on Southern Blvd sell. That could take awhile, but it is a very valuable piece of land and will sell soon. I believe and it will transform how we see our school and how others see us. This is a facility for the entire student body not just athletes.

Bacon: Why did you come to PBA?

Dr. Clark: I went to Northern Baptist Seminary and then was a pastor for several years. I became interested in rhetorical theory because of my need to prepare effective sermons three times a week. That led me to attend the University of Iowa to complete a PhD in rhetoric and communication theory. I taught at Iowa, Bowling Green State University, Regent University and Fuller Seminary as an adjunct. I really like teaching, but somehow I always got pulled into administration. Perhaps that suggests I may have some gifts in this area or that no one other faculty were interested.

My other great passion in life has been broadcasting and I have had the opportunity to have a great deal of professional experience in radio and television. I was president of FamilyNet in Fort Worth, a commercial cable television network before I came here. We produced hundreds of hours of daily programming as well as a number of award winning documentaries for ABC, NBC and the Hallmark Network. It was work that I loved. But I have always loved the academy.

A friend mentioned PBA was looking for a president. My wife, Lois urged me to investigate. I knew little about the school, so I called Jess Moody. He made it sound like the most important Christian university in America. I also spoke with my pastor, Jack Graham, who had been the pastor at First Baptist here. He was more candid but did note the growth and great potential of the university. After a number of calls from the search firm and late in the selection process, I agreed to become a candidate providing that my application was kept confidential. Somehow I emerged as the candidate of choice. I know now this was God’s plan for this period in my life.